Hair Shirts.

Three gulls wheel above me in a pretty stiff breeze this campervan morning calling out across the sky. The cloud is fast moving, huge, dark and threatening. There is thin rain on the air, being whipped up by the breeze, but the Oak provides sufficient protection. It’s a big bird morning, Crows and Magpies as well as Gulls. They dominate the trees and roof tops. The sound of rattling leaves and creaking branches on the air. It’s quite temperate, the morning chill is driven by the stiff breeze, though as I sit the rain is worsening. Feels like it’s going to be an interesting day. Reflecting on working for myself, following my fabulous team building circle, I have realised I have a wardrobe. Within this wardrobe, on hangers in neat and strict order ( Of course they are, it’s me ! ) is a collection of hair shirts. They vary from mildly irritating all the way up to one woven from nettles. I am very very good at wearing these shirts from time to time, often putting one on in reaction to a lot of things around me. It’s taken some time to realise that one of my default positions was and sometimes still is to put one of these on. It’s taken some years both as a therapist and in therapy to recognise the inner critic and his willingness to don one of these shirts. The comparison to other people as a litmus test to my own self worth. Crazy when you look back at it, even crazier now when it seeps back in, even with the knowledge I have and the work I do. However I do think it’s always healthy and useful to check in with the self, realise and have an awareness what you’re doing and take the shirt off. Been an interesting few days working through this. Lovely days people.

“ Maybe the most important teaching is to lighten up and relax. It's such a huge help in working with our crazy mixed-up minds to remember that what we're doing is unlocking a softness that is in us and letting it spread. We're letting it blur the sharp corners of self-criticism and complaint.” Pema Chodran.